Meet The Unruly Collective
A Brief Introduction
We thought you should meet the team behind OnceUponaTeatime.co.uk and The Unruly Collective, so here we are.
Krystal
Senior Manager
Krystal, our Senior Manager and master of organized chaos, keeps our team running smoother than her favorite Harmony Herbal Tea. With a to-do list longer than a CVS receipt and a zen-like calm that would make a Buddhist monk jealous, Krystal orchestrates our office symphony with the precision of a conductor and the patience of a saint.
Legend has it that she can solve any crisis with just three sips of her trusty herbal brew. When she's not harmonizing team dynamics or juggling deadlines, you might catch her in deep meditation, visualizing flowcharts and Gantt charts floating in a sea of chamomile. Just don't mistake her tea-induced tranquility for weakness – this herb-powered powerhouse can turn even the most chaotic brainstorm into a well-oiled machine faster than you can say "teamwork makes the dream work."
John
Business Development Manager
John, our Business Development Manager and professional opportunity hunter, stalks deals with the tenacity of a Highland warrior chasing down the last haggis. Armed with a battleaxe of charm and a shield of statistics, John charges into networking events like William Wallace leading the charge at Stirling Bridge. His secret weapon? A thermos of Scottish Breakfast Tea, brewed strong enough to put hair on your chest and make even the toughest negotiator spill their secrets.
When he's not cultivating leads or charming potential clients, you might find John practicing his "elevator pitch" on unsuspecting elevator occupants or trying to convince the office to adopt kilts as the official business attire. Just don't challenge him to a tea-drinking contest – rumor has it he can drain a pot faster than you can say "Och aye the noo!"Carrie
Social Media Manager
Carrie, our Social Media Maven and digital whisperer, has more followers than a cult leader and a wit sharper than a freshly updated status. Armed with her trusty mug of Bourbon Street Vanilla Rooibos Tea, she navigates the wild west of hashtags and viral trends with the finesse of a seasoned cowboy.
Rumor has it that her fingers move so fast across the keyboard, they've developed their own GPS. When she's not crafting the perfect tweet or curating our Instagram aesthetic, Carrie can be found explaining to her grandmother that no, she doesn't actually live inside your phone. Her secret weapon? That smooth vanilla rooibos brew, which she swears is the reason our engagement rates are higher than a cat video's view count.Ben
Content Manager
Ben, our Content Manager and word-wrangling extraordinaire, corrals unruly sentences with the finesse of a literary cowboy and the wit of a caffeinated Oscar Wilde. Fueled by copious amounts of Irish Breakfast tea (strong enough to put hair on your chest and make your keyboard sprout shamrocks), Ben transforms blank pages into masterpieces faster than you can say "top o' the mornin'."
Legend has it that he once wrote an entire website's worth of content using nothing but limericks and puns, and it won an award for most engaging user experience.
His choice of robust Irish tea has led to speculation that he's actually a leprechaun in disguise, secretly weaving gold into every piece of content he touches. Just don't mention content mills around him – unless you're prepared for a passionate soliloquy on the artistry of well-crafted prose, delivered with such lyrical gusto you'll find yourself spontaneously speaking in iambic pentameter for the rest of the day.Matt
Graphic Designer
Matt, our resident pixel perfectionist, is the graphic design guru who turns caffeine into creativity. With a mouse in one hand and a steaming mug of English Breakfast Tea in the other, Matt navigates the treacherous waters of font choices and color palettes.
Legend has it that he once designed an entire website using only tea stains as inspiration. When he's not zooming in to adjust things by single pixels, you can find Matt evangelizing about the superiority of English Breakfast Tea over all other breakfast-themed beverages. Just don't mention coffee around him - it's a surefire way to trigger a passionate, tea-fueled design rant.Lisa
Website Development
Lisa, our Website Development wizard and digital confectioner, whips up code sweeter than her beloved Chocolate Caramel Drizzle Tea. With fingers that dance across the keyboard like a sugar-rushed ballerina, Lisa crafts websites so delectable you'll want to lick your screen (please don't).
Legend has it that her tea-fueled coding sessions can make even the most stubborn bugs melt away like chocolate in the sun. When she's not turning caffeine and caramel dreams into pixel-perfect reality, Her unique choice of tea has led to speculation that she's actually Willy Wonka's long-lost tech-savvy granddaughter, secretly working to create a website you can actually taste. Just don't mention Internet Explorer around her – unless you're prepared for a passionate rant about browser compatibility that somehow ends with everyone craving dessert and needing a nap.Jacqui
Website Developer
Jacqui, our Website Developer and digital dreamweaver, crafts online experiences so smooth they could lull even the most caffeinated user into a state of zen-like browsing. Armed with a keyboard and a steaming mug of Lullaby Herbal Tea, Jacqui turns ones and zeros into virtual lullabies that make navigating websites feel like floating on a cloud.
Her choice of calming herbal brew has sparked rumors that she's actually a sleep fairy moonlighting in tech, secretly sprinkling digital dreams into every website she touches.
Don't mention all-night coding marathons around her – unless you're prepared for a soft-spoken yet impassioned speech on the importance of work-life balance and proper sleep hygiene, delivered in such soothing tones you might find yourself nodding off mid-conversation.Bianca
Admininstrator
Bianca, our Administrator extraordinaire and unofficial office royalty, rules her domain of spreadsheets and schedules with the grace of a duchess and the iron will of a medieval monarch. Armed with a keyboard for a scepter and a steaming cup of Duchess Earl Grey Tea as her crown jewel, Bianca brings order to chaos faster than you can say "color-coded filing system."
Her regal choice of tea has sparked rumors that she's actually a time-traveling aristocrat, studying modern office dynamics for her doctoral thesis at Oxford.
Don't mention misaligned margins or comic sans font in her presence – unless you're prepared for a stern lecture on the importance of proper document etiquette, delivered with such poise you'll find yourself instinctively bowing at the end.Vikki
Administrator
Vikki, our Administrator and official office dynamo, runs our workplace with the precision of a Swiss watch and the energy of a supernova. Fueled by mugs of Strong English Breakfast Tea that could wake the dead, Vikki tackles to-do lists with the ferocity of a lion chasing down its prey.
Her choice of tea, strong enough to stand a spoon in, has led to speculation that she's secretly powered by a mini nuclear reactor disguised as a teapot. Rumor has it that in moments of extreme focus, Vikki actually starts to vibrate at a frequency only dogs can hear.Helen
Accounts
Helen, our Accounts virtuoso and number-whispering sorceress, juggles figures with the dexterity of a circus performer and the precision of a Swiss watchmaker. Armed with a calculator in one hand and a zesty cup of Lemon Tea in the other, Helen turns financial chaos into harmonious balance faster than you can say "tax deduction." Legend has it that she once reconciled a year's worth of expenses using nothing but an abacus and sheer willpower.
Don't mention unreconciled accounts in her presence – unless you're prepared for a passionate lecture on the importance of fiscal responsibility, delivered with such zest you'll find yourself involuntarily reaching for your wallet to make sure everything adds up.Evie
Accounts
Evie, our Accounts maestro and guardian of the bottom line, navigates the treacherous waters of finance with the steady hand of a seasoned ship captain and the sharp eye of a hawk. Powered by a never-ending stream of English Breakfast Tea, Evie crunches numbers with such fervor you'd think the digits were made of crunchy breakfast cereal.
Legend has it that she once balanced a budget so perfectly, it brought a tear to the auditor's eye.
Her choice of traditional English Breakfast Tea has led to speculation that she's actually the long-lost descendant of a renowned Victorian-era accountant, destined to uphold the family legacy of impeccable bookkeeping.James M.
Warehouse Operative
James M. Our Warehouse Wizard and master of the forklift ballet, is the unsung hero who ensures our products don't decide to play hide-and-seek. With biceps built from box-lifting and a sixth sense for inventory that would make Sherlock Holmes jealous, James navigates our warehouse like a seasoned captain sailing treacherous seas of cardboard and bubble wrap.
His fuel of choice? A sturdy mug of Yorkshire Harrogate Tea, strong enough to wake up sleeping pallets and possibly raise the dead. Legend has it that James once organized an entire shipment blindfolded, guided only by the aromatic whispers of his beloved brew. Just don't mention "messy workspaces" around him – unless you're prepared for a passionate sermon on the gospel of "a place for everything, and everything in its place," delivered in a thick Yorkshire accent.Chris
Warehouse Operative
Chris, our other Warehouse Wonder and the Indiana Jones of inventory, explores the deepest recesses of our storage facility with the enthusiasm of a caffeine-crazed archaeologist. Armed with a scanner gun and a mug of his exotic Ethiopean Mocha Pu-erh tea, Chris embarks on daily expeditions to unearth elusive products and tame wild pallets.
Legend has it that he can sniff out a misplaced item faster than a bloodhound on a sugar rush, thanks to his highly refined tea-enhanced senses. When he's not performing feats of logistical acrobatics or deciphering ancient shipping labels, Chris can be found regaling wide-eyed newcomers with tales of "The Great Bubble Wrap Avalanche of '18" or hosting clandestine tea ceremonies atop towering stacks of boxes.
His unique brew choice has led some to speculate that he's actually a time-traveling tea merchant from the Qing Dynasty, secretly researching modern logistics. Just don't mention instant tea around him.James
Picker - Packer
James, our Picker-Packer extraordinaire, is the Michelangelo of meticulous order fulfillment. With the grace of a ballet dancer and the precision of a Swiss watch, James pirouettes through our warehouse, plucking products from shelves with the finesse of a master chef selecting the finest ingredients.
His fuel of choice? The enigmatic Earl Grey Matcha, a tea so sophisticated it makes James feel like he's sipping liquidized enlightenment while wearing a top hat and monocle.
Legend has it that James can pack a box so perfectly, even Marie Kondo would weep tears of joy. When he's not engaged in the sacred art of "pick-pack-tetris," you might find James whispering motivational speeches to cardboard boxes or attempting to teach the packing peanuts the art of feng shui.Jenny
Picker - Packer
Jenny, our Picker-Packer extraordinaire and self-proclaimed Forest Whisperer, brings the great outdoors to our warehouse aisles. Armed with a barcode scanner in one hand and a mug of her beloved Pine Needles Tea in the other, Jenny navigates the jungle of inventory with the keen senses of a woodland creature.
Legend has it that she can communicate with cardboard boxes and convince them to pack themselves. Her unique choice of tea has led to wild speculation that she's actually a druid moonlighting in logistics, secretly blessing each package with woodland magic for safe travels.
Rumor has it that on full moons, you can hear her softly humming to the pallets, coaxing them to grow into mighty oaks. Just don't mention artificial Christmas trees around her – unless you're prepared for an impassioned plea about the virtues of real pine, complete with a impromptu puppet show starring crumpled packing paper as the cast.Sarah
Pickler - Packer
Sarah, our Picker-Packer extraordinaire and zen master of the warehouse, floats through the aisles like a serene butterfly in steel-toed boots. Armed with her trusty scanner and a mug of Chamomile Lavender & Rose Tea so calming it could pacify a tornado, Sarah turns the chaotic dance of order fulfillment into a soothing waltz.
Legend has it that her tea-induced tranquility is so powerful, even the most cantankerous of printers behave in her presence. Her choice of tea has sparked rumors that she's secretly a fairy godmother, sprinkling a pinch of magic into each parcel she touches. Colleagues swear they've seen flowers sprout from the concrete floor in her wake, only to vanish when management comes to investigate.
